Meaningful Announcements: Start Of Senior Year Edition

So, maybe I'm making excuses; maybe I'm getting lazy; and maybe I'm not performing up to the standards to which I should accustom myself. But, you know what? It's senior year (classes begin tomorrow) and, despite my skepticism and rebelliousness, I do attend class, work part time, and engage in a couple of social functions. So I'm probably not going to be posting unless I find something really worth reviewing. At this point, I'm going for quality over quantity (no more of these ones with the pussy magnet); I'll probably also be working on other blogging skills like posting links and using multiple authors. For today, I'll leave you with a bunch of Durex print and outdoor ads (this tv spot was big a few weeks ago) that could have been another lazy Who's Doing Better installment. Here's a good one:



At this point, there's nothing more to say other than what Ferris said on that fateful day:

"You killed the car."

What The Hell Do Pizza, Brownies, And Dog-Eating Have To Do With Each Other?

Well, it all adds up to a bit of racism and a lot of publicity notice for New Zealands' Hell Pizza. The operation has been responsible for many instances of controversial marketing like those described in the original article and this anti-Bush billboard. The company seems to be willing to piss anybody off to get some widespread promo so I'm not sure why this piece that pokes fun at the culinary practices of some Tongans (I initially thought it was a Filipino thing but I guess there aren't any in NZ) has people up in arms. The statement reads, "at least our brownie won't eat your pet dog." It's one of the silliest pieces of copywriting I've ever seen; it just seems like another goofy statement referencing cultural differences.



Giving this piece credit for bringing on the hate is like believing that Bill Donahue speaks for all Catholics. You are giving it too much credit when it is only a dumb idea with lazy execution. However, I will give it a 'good' rating because of all the attention its getting. I guess by that method Paris is a dope celebrity.

Is Cannibalism Part Of This Good Breakfast?

Yes, and it's cute and it sells Cinnamon Toast Crunch boxes. Though I'm more of a Frosted Flakes and Apple Jacks kind of cat (both are drug references by the way), I have to say that this piece called "Pieces-Gone" and campaign, which has been going on for a while, from the General Mills' brand and McCann Erickson are strong in cuteness and message; I'm not a big fan of the old spots that lied to kids in a different way. The ingredients for the cereal are as follows: cinnamon, sugar, and crunch. The sugar sparkles, the cinnamon-laced toast crumbles, and the breakfast looks good enough to cause bad health.



My six-year-old niece approved of this spot just seconds ago, certifiably pushing it from 'good' to 'dope.' You have to wonder, though, if this could increase instances of accidental cannibalism by stoners; nothing worse than biting off the hand that holds the joint.

Really Important News: Coronary Disruptor Edition

Every now and then, products come out that are either certifiably despotic or hilariously inappropriate. And some just set you back a couple of decades as does this new "sandwich" (called the Double Down) from the always health-conscious KFC. It consists of two slices of bacon, melted swiss and pepper Jack cheeses, and the secret “Colonel’s sauce” sandwiched between two fried chicken fillets; see a spot here. It's not quite 'The Luther,' but it's damn close.


Though people have bitched about this kind of thing, I've got to admire KFC for being so bold though it's not nearly as cool as when I heard about this (I pray it's still happening).

Is Brett Favre Ever Going To Make Up His Mind?

Well, he did for a small decision, but he just can't seem to find the right HD television. In this new spot for Sears and its Blue Electronics Crew, the ancient quarterback just can't decide which TV he wants. A store employee mentions that there are "some guys out there who agonize about making decisions" and Father Time replies, "those guys drive me crazy." The portion ends with Favre still unsure (sequel?) and a couple of the product attributes that differentiate Sears from Best Buy or Walmart (you know, where you are more likely to shop). Despite all of that, the spot is presented in good fun with Favre taking soft shots at himself and Sears touting their strengths in the electronics department.



The piece ran during preseason games this past weekend. The Vikings better hope that Favre is careful and doesn't get a concussion opening the box. (See 5:25 to find out where I stole that joke from.)

Who's Doing Better Ad Reviews Than I Am?

Today's edition isn't really an ad review as much as it is a huge compilation of ads utilizing sex appeal. And by huge I mean like John Holmes huge. Most of the stuff is pretty recent ranging from the WTF:



to the creative:


to "I'm pretty sure they're crossing the line"


to "Yeah, they're crossing the line"


It's obvious that human eyes will avert to your work when it is so blatantly sexual. But remember, if there is no substance or story or concept, you are just another scumbag advertiser trying to trick the poor, innocent American consumer. At least we're not lawyers.

Now That's A Classic: Heineken & The Biz

I know that this is a really old spot and that this post seems like kind of a cop out, but I don't care. I really should have a category for classic spots and damn right this piece deserves it. It's by Wieden + Kennedy for Heineken's Let A Stranger Drive You Home campaign. It features a classic rap track with one of the catchiest hooks in history; people have compared it to that Journey song except the difference is that Journey totally sucks. It's a perfect set up and a punch that delivers like Heineken had to deliver that cabbie actor his paycheck. Its only industry rival was a campaign that told you to stay thirsty.



Another strong and successful spot was the walk-in fridge one with the match shots of women and men freaking out at their respective pleasures. However, this spot just had it all: great acting, photography, direction, music and message. It's a truly persuasive beer commercial. It's a classic.

Can Usain Bolt Help Jamaica Finally Overcome Reggae?

And let me preface my answer by saying I am a huge fan of Bob, Lee "Scratch" Perry, Peter Tosh, Jimmy Cliff, and Gregory Isaacs. But I hope the answer is yes, since the list of Jamaican associations goes: Rastafarianism, marijuana, dreadlocks, reggae, and maybe poverty. What I'm getting at is that Usain Bolt could become an international sports superstar. He struck big with just murdering the 100 and 200 meter races in Beijing last summer. He's been linked commercially to Puma, Gatorade, and Digicel (you would think that Sprint would try to steal him away); he already has a signature move; and he actually is an amazing athlete. The questions are: does the building of Bolt's brand have anything to do with Jamaica and what exactly can someone as young as he is (turns 23 tomorrow) do to revamp the country's image? The possibility is definitely there; check out the new 100 and 200 meter records below.







On the real, I really hope that Bolt can get Jamaica some much needed positive pub (and maybe a shower). It's a place that could really use a hero who is not 50 Cent.

What The Fruit Is Cranberry Doing Here?

Well, there's a decent chance that she's here to promote Nestle Raisinets' new Cranberry Raisinets. And she does so in highly fashionable fashion in two new webisodes from the chocolate giant. The first is full of innuendo, normal raisins gossiping, and a mildly clever rip off of the theme from Shaft. The piece seems a little too cute considering its demo: crazy women. The product itself seems perfect; what's better than cranberry and chocolate besides doing the dishes?



The second one is kind of obvious. They're setting up some tension (seriously, a fresh new individual enters the realm of wrinkly old prunes, of course there's some chocolatety tension) that will reach a peak into part 4 of the series but then everything will work out and cranberry will be a part of the Nestle family. Plus, you have to love a shot of a berry with Jesus light in the background.



I'm iffy on the idea that the pieces include "drama." They're very lighthearted and incorporate bright colors. The level of feuding is more likely to reach High School Musical than what this could have been. Upcoming webisodes include 'Cran Fan' and 'Dance Off.' Though the pieces seem more Disney than guilty pleasure, you've got to love a bunch (get it?) of jealous women.

I'm kidding. No you don't!

So It's Not Cool To Mock People From Toronto?

Really? They bombed the Baldwins. They extended Andrea Bargnani 50 million for 5 more years. And they (partially) produced this. Anyway, the story is that Coors Light, which has done a lot of goofy outdoor work, has pissed off some people in Toronto with their new billboards shown below featuring a cold certified brewski next to, "Colder Than Most People From Toronto." The ads themselves were placed in British Columbia (not the American one, that's the District) and probably got a few laughs, eh. Because these stiffs have no sense of humor, the boards were taken down and the company apologized.


The tag sure seems like a self fulfilling prophecy at this point. This goes to show that you can't count on Canada for anything, whether it's taking a joke, inventing a watchable sport, or making Sarah Palin look sane. And you know what else Toronto? Measuring the temperature in degrees Celsius is totally lame.

Really Important News: Michael Vick & Benji Edition

So not all of my posts are going to be titled with an inane rhetorical question, fancy that! By the way, these are just going to be random things and will in no way be substitutes for my amazing ad reviews. Anyway, the awesome, holy-shit, can't-believe-it news is that parolee and former dog fighting organizer guy Michael Vick, who was just signed by the Eagles, is set to star in the new Disney film "Benji Joins The NFL" with the famous and lovable Benji. It's obvious that there are millions of jokes one could do about this unexpected partnership (maybe Vick can kick the little pooch through the uprights for the extra point). I would guess that the late night comedians and Jimmy Fallon are going to have fun with this one.